Oh I know, it sounds a bit like a cliché, but when I read about it on a website, I felt that it was talking directly to me. I know I would really need to change my life. I feel I’ve ended up in some kind of vacuum from where I don’t know where to do next. Of course I have made plans and I’m working on putting them into effect, but if I don’t believe in myself it will be difficult. That’s why I’ve decidet to try this method I found on that website. Today is the first day of the 7 step program. The idea is to do this programs several times and if it works out I will:).

DAY 1: Re-charge - A Day of Commitment

Clean out your old thought patterns. Don’t think: “I can’t”, or “why does this always happen to me?”. Instead, try to find solutions where you only used to see problems. Try to think: “I can do this”, “I know I’m good at this”.

Create a mental hideway where you feel safe when you need to recharge your batteries. It could be a meadow on a beautiful summer day or a deserted shore or whatever suits your needs. If you start to fall back on your old negative thoughts then withdraw to your own private place.

Put on some music you like. Shut out the ordinary life for a little while and just take care of yourself. Visit your own place and start your journey towards a better life. It’s your life so don’t let other people or your own negative thoughts stop you from living the life you could be living. I’m already on my way to a better life.:)

My Mac died today and with it, all those files I should have backed-up ages ago. I have been promising myself for a long time that I will never let that happen again and still it did. I let it happen. All those files I had gathered during the months I have had it. Since I always do lots of things on the computer and since I’m unemployed I had a lot saved on it.

There was this folder with photos all sorted after date and camera. Everything is gone. I had several wordpress themes with photoshop files needed for it all half-ready. They are gone too. Other graphics, finished or half finished. Gone too. And of course all notes and my calendar and info about mail servers etc. It feels like half of my life is gone.

But the worst part is that all my ideas for stories and half finished stories are gone and my almost finished novel. I have never in my life finished a novel and this was almost done. I would have sent it in to publishing companies this spring. Now I don’t know how to go on. How do I start over?

I love the golden beverage and everything about it. The taste, the calmness that it brings, the colour and the history and culture around it. I found this poem on a very interesting site about tea the TeaMuse.

A very dear friend of mine had a blog post about her life as a cake. First it made me a bit sad because my cake looked so different from hers. Then I changed my mind, so this is my life - my cake. My plate with the cake looks a bit different. Some of the pieces are only made up of one layer and some are very nice with lots of cute decorations like marzipan roses and leaves. Some only have crumbles left because someone ate parts of them. Here are the pieces:

Myself: Yes I’m part of the cake. Can’t really avoid it, can I? I’m always there, can’t run away from myself, no matter how much I try.

Health: This part of the cake looks rather shabby. Portions of it has been eaten, even though it seems to have been a very nice cake from the start. It has lots of layers and decorations. I can’t remember inviting anyone to taste it, but I must have.

Kids: I have been ordering a piece of that from the bakery for years but so far they haven’t delivered. I really must have that to make my cake complete.

Home: This piece seems to be made from different cakes that are just smashed together to build a piece. I want the real part that I ordered years ago.

Boyfriend: They never delivered that piece either. Over the years, they’ve delivered replacement cookies, but never a part of a cake. I remember that I had a part years ago, but somone must have eaten it.

Work: Someone ate it. I really should stay away from the friends that keeps eating my cakes.

Creativity: One of the nicest parts of the cake. Very high and with lots of nice decorations and layers.

Family: Few layers, but a very big part of the cake with nice decorations on it.

Friends: Only a few layers but still a big part of the cake.

There you have it, my life as a cake. It could have been a very nice and beautiful cake if all the pieces I’ve ordered had arrived and if I had stayed away from the friends that kept stealing from the cake. What does your cake look like?

I usually do my grocery shopping for the whole month. I do that because I can’t afford to buy anything I really don’t need. It’s also stupid even if I could afford it. It’s because I don’t have a driving licence, but mostly because I want to save our environment that I choose to do my shopping on foot with my shopping trolley.

It might not look all that cool to use one, but a lot has changed since those beige tartan checked ones that I remember from my childhood. And isn’t our environment worth some sacrifices?

Today I was up early to do my shopping. I imagined it would be less crowded at that time, but I was wrong. The store was filled with elderly women and men. Mostly women. Men seem to be the ones to do the weekend shopping. The few men that I saw were pushing the shopping carts and the women picked up the groceries.

These older people didn’t seem all that thrilled about shopping. At least they were in a bad mood. All of them seemed to feel that I was blocking their way with my shopping trolley. Not them, with their big shopping carts or walkers. Where are all the little ladies I remember from my childhood? The ones who dragged around their small shopping trollies on foot to pick up their milk and loaf of bread.

Lots of today’s new retired people drive around in their big expensive petrol drinking cars and their cold cuts and semi-manufactured articles. These babyboomers that never had to think about what they spent. Those who just fell into the job market and landed great jobs effortlessly and are now living off fat pensions. They seem to think that worrying about the environment is for others. They can afford to do as they please. Someone else will have to worry about their grandkids.

Those old people, who were sneering at me and my trolley, were using up just as much space in the store, but clearly I was the one who was in the way. Despite that, I’m not going to cave under the pressure. I’ll keep pulling my trolley for the sake of the environment, no matter how uncool it may look. Though I am considering doing my shopping late in the evening. Maybe then I’ll be allowed to shop too.

What I’m about to tell you occurred late an autumn night when my kees girl needed to go out. It was dark, so dark that the streetlights only managed to light up a small part of the middle of the street. The rain had painted the asphalt in a dark grey shade and it was lined with brown autumn leaves. Then suddenly the silence was broken by the sound of footsteps. It might not have been exactly that sound, but it was close.

Both me and my kees turned around at the same time to see where the sound came from. There, in the middle of the street, was a big yellow leaf rolling down the street. It moved jerkily, but surprisingly straight. The strangest thing was that the sound was so loud. If I had closed my eyes, the illusion would have been of someone walking close by. Something kept me from closing my eyes though.

I gazed fascinated at the leaf until my dog dragged me back into the garden. She always likes to sit outside the gate to leave messages to passing dogs, but this time, she hurried into the garden. What was it that she saw? They say that dogs can see more than humans. She did her business as fast as she could and then dragged me towards the front door. She seemed to be in a big hurry to get inside into the warm house.

What was it she really saw out there in the dark?

The “wisdom puzzle“ or Tangram is a puzzle that originally came from China. I’ve been fascinated by this seemingly simple game that can be used for so much. Even the great Edgar Allan Poe was intrigued by it. The puzzle consists of seven pieces of specifically cut out parts of a square that can be formed into practically any figure.

Sometimes Tangram is described as a puzzle for children and I am sure that a lot of adults find this puzzle as intriguing as I do

• you can find the mathematical aspects of the game appealing
• or the artistic
• or the game part of it
• or you can use tangram for your creative needs  

 I felt so proud when I created my first own model. To be honest, I’ve only created that one, but I’m sure I’ll make more now when I’ve started. This is my butterfly, or maybe I should call it Imago.